


Character Profiles

by itadakiqueen (Yatterqueen)



Category: BSV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-02 11:40:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19198048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yatterqueen/pseuds/itadakiqueen
Summary: The Four Pillars of the Itadakiside of the BSV + smaller profiles.





	1. Carmilla Black

 

 

> “When you’re as pretty as I am, you can’t _be_ a loser.”

**The Story.**

Whatever little respect Sotomayor University student Carmilla Black had for SHIELD died the day they branded her a criminal and terminated their working agreement. Contrary to popular belief, she’s no bad girl but they made an enemy out of her, turning this snarky-sweet girl next door into an overnight counterculture rebel with a pronounced mean streak. She launched the pop-kitsch _Bubblegum Honey_ brand with a wave of ugly-cute “F*CK SHIELD” apparel and called out Janet Van Dyne specifically, immediately sparking controversy but her line had an explosive debut. Not long after, the brand was incorporated into her older brother’s company, Madripoor Jewel Enterprises, and Carmilla was rocketed into something like celebrity. The leader of the Bubblegum Honey Carmy is brash, cocky, and totally tough. Anyone and everyone close to Carmilla knows this “new” side of her is an affectation of rebellion but Carmilla’s nothing if not stubborn, so even if the remnants of her goofy, fun-loving personality show up often, she’s clinging to a “hardcore” image that fits her like someone else’s glove until she can’t possibly do it anymore.

 

**The Appearance.**

_(resembles[Ellen Chan Nga-Lun](http://hkmdb.com/db/images/movies/7388/AlienWife+1991-5-b.jpg))_

Carmilla is a self-described hottie, and she’s not just blowing hot air. She’s more cute than outright gorgeous, megawatt smile and soft, friendly features coalescing into the spitting image of a mental representation of a “best friend.” She works out pretty often and so got muscle thick, adding like twenty pounds to her once thin frame, but she got the wide hips and the huge, round ass from her mom (squats do help shape and tone, she points out). She wears her emerald green hair in a shoulder-length asymmetrical bob style she stole from her idol and mentor, the Black Widow. Her style is too-tight dark plaid punk rock pants it takes her ten minutes to put on, and big, vintage t-shirts she cuts into sleeveless crop tops, and scuffed up chucks. Her panties are high-waisted, overly cute monstrosities of bright, garish colors and childish prints she used to hide, but in the post-Bubblegum Honey world, the kitsch works to Carmilla’s favor and compliments her otherwise dark attire, so she no longer bothers.

 

**The Wedgies.**

Because she was cut from Sotomayor U’s Galactic Cheerleading Squad due to being perpetually late after many, _many_ warnings, Carmilla went out of her way to use Bubblegum Honey to launch empty shots at cheerleading in a short-lived marketing run called “Blunderleading.” When the otherwise docile Galactic Cheerleaders caught wind, they cornered Carmilla and forced her to participate in an impromptu cheer. While the head cheerleader held Carmilla in the air atop a cheer pyramid by a pair of yellow donut panties, they made her apologize for the campaign on an episode of _CarmCast_. But, like, in rhythm.

After barely surviving another encounter with Lady Bullseye, Carmilla as Scorpion found herself ambushed by Typhoid, who is essentially Mary Walker’s bully alter. The “villain” first set the seat of her costume on fire and then, after Carmilla doused her rear end in some guy’s lemonade, goaded her into a wild chase across New York. Eventually, Typhoid would lead Carmilla into an old Blockbuster video. Unaware of Typhoid’s abilities and her composure worn down from the battle with Lady Bullseye and the chase, Carmilla was easily defeated and given a face-covering atomic wedgie with her orange pig panties, followed by pulling her costume shorts over her shoulders, trapping her arms inside the unrippable material. Satisfied, Typhoid left her still-wedgied, tied to a chair with old VHS tape, where she remained for several hours until a cryptic DM from an anonymous account alerted her girlfriend, Laura, of her whereabouts.

While promoting the Bubblegum Honey alongside brand ambassador Mary Jane Watson at a conference, Carmilla attempted to demonstrate the fabric’s durability by giving MJ a brutal wedgie she claimed would rip Van Dynes. Saving face, MJ laughed it off… and then proceeded to give Carmilla a hanging wedgie that left her dangling from the bottom of the stage by pink smiling watermelon undies, feet inches from the ground, while MJ praised the panties for holding firm for the remainder of the presentation. They never stretched far enough for Carmilla’s toes to even _graze_ the ground.


	2. Jennifer Walters

 

 

 

> “Hey, I’ve been in publication non-stop for a reason, you know.”

**The Story.**

Fresh off her own private practice’s highest profile case defending _Captain America_ , Jen’s got herself a new gig as the Sensational Hulk, no feminine qualifier, and a bigger, beefier body to go along with it. She’s having the time of her life at the height of her powers. This well-deserved rush of confidence has made an already very bossy and pushy woman even bossier and pushier, but Jen’s got charm enough to talk her way out of murder, so it’s not like anyone _cares._ Working with Madripoor Jewel Enterprises and associating with Bubblegum Honey has made Jen more popular in certain circles lawyers are not usually popular in, but Jen’s not doing it for fame, of course, especially not the internet clout sort. Family comes first, always, even if the family is taking shots at her best friend. It’s a weird balancing act, but Jan understands Jen’s position and doesn’t begrudge her for it. Jen keeps things how she likes them: open and direct, and while she’s hoping for reconciliation between Van Dynes and Bubblegum Honey, she’s not holding her breath. She’s an idealist, not an idiot.

 

**The Appearance.**

_(resembles[Joan Severance](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMGE3N2U1OTctOGZlZC00ZWFlLWE2NTItY2EyNWVkNDYzNjE3XkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyODg0OTM4NTc@._V1_SX1777_CR0,0,1777,962_AL_.jpg)) _

Jen is a top ten in the universe stunner who still moves like a geek you pushed into a locker when you get past the affectations of grace and style. She’s comically expressive, eyes incapable of hiding anything, and despite her curvaceous and powerful frame, this alone radiates an approachable and friendly warmth, obscuring the sheer depth of her beauty until you really stop and notice her. Her style varies depending on the task at hand; she’s a capable professional, but outside of the pencil skirts and pantsuits, Jen dresses lazily in patterned leggings and big sweatshirts that would be dresses on women smaller than her, matched up with old sneakers. She wears her dark green hair in a loose, bouncy ponytail with a long side bang like something out of a retro cartoon. If Jen could get away with leg warmers without being roasted into oblivion, she would, and you can tell by the underwear she wears. No longer forced to wear Hello Kitty throwbacks, as her partnership with Bubblegum Honey let Jen get her own line. She’s got the purple and white pairs, that’s a given, but every other one is cut and colored like an 80s leotard, in garish and nightmarish neon hues and bizarre retro patterns.

 

**The Wedgies.**

As part of her training with Gamora, Jen was made to practice wrestling and ground work with Mantis, the Celestial Madonna. She thought it'd be easy once she got the hang of the techniques, since Mantis is built like a pilates pop star of a bygone era and while Jen was a lot thinner, she was still hella huge by most standards. It was not. For about three hours, Mantis contorted Jen into weird positions and yanked her pink dance briefs as high as she could, making Jen wish she hadn't worn her undies outside of her tights. By the end of it, Jen was trapped in the Paradise Lock with the briefs snug and tight over her face and Mantis sitting on top of her. Mantis said she'd let her out as soon as she tapped, but Jen couldn't even move her hands.

Once before the whole She-Hulk thing, Jen snitched on another lawyer for smoking weed and, like, nothing happened to that lady because she wasn’t _doing_ anything (Jen literally got laughed at), but she _did_ get mad at Jen for it. She pulled up to Jen’s office, took her slacks, spanked her raw with whatever she had on the desk, and hung her by her underwear -- red and white stripes like a candy cane -- from the file cabinet while she toked up outta spite. Eventually, Jen apologized, and the two shared the blunt, and became pretty good friends for the next hour or so. Things was that they were both so high that when the other lawyer left, neither one of them realized Jen was still stuck up there with her panties until after it was too late to do anything about it. Talk about killing the high. At least Jen's stopped snitching so damn much.

You can’t set out a challenge the hyper-competitive freak that is Jen Walters doesn’t answer, and the new Captain Rectitude, a bizarre moralizer named Tatiana Cuban who believes if a woman is sexy to her, she has to wear a thong among other insane theories about how women should behave almost entirely based on her libido, set out a challenge. Jen expected a fight and, to be fair, got one since Tati is about as strong as she is, but Jen didn’t expect her to be able to _clone herself._ Fighting one person who wants to turn your normal panties into a permanent thong is one thing, fighting _twenty one_ is something else entirely and not even a Hulk could handle all of them. All those women were able to yank Jen’s undies so far up her ass she needed her handy-dandy wedgie picking crowbar _and_ her cousin Bruce’s help to get them out of her spinal column. Even then, Jen was pretty lucky she didn’t have to just live a permanent thong about as thick as her wrist.


	3. Lyra Walters

 

 

> “I deserve respect. Look at my body of work, and the bodies I’ve left behind.”

**The Story.**

Now the only She-Hulk (there’s a Red one, but that’s technically a different name), Sotomayor University student Lyra is fully ready to step out of her aunt’s shadow, her mom’s shadow, and her step-mom’s shadow… there’s a lot of shadows she has to step out of. That the path is long and arduous doesn’t matter one bit; Lyra’s a stone-cold bone breaker, a monster in the body of a babe. She’s young and hungry for respect, not necessarily for adulation and fame, two things she doesn’t care for, at least not as much as she cares for being seen as what she is: a highly competent warrior general. As much as she may act aloof, Lyra cares deeply. She takes herself and everything she does very seriously, be it Dance Dance Revolution or her fantasy web novel _Dark Times._ With an interest in film writing, Lyra has joined the production of a feature length film called _The Last_ produced by Twenty Six Studios, a subdivision of MJE, and starring her step-mother Diana, and formerly retired actress Rita Farr, with a script from director Edie Sawyer. From top to bottom, this is a dream project for Lyra to be associated with and while she’s still standoffish something fierce, it’s a deeply humbling experience she's approaching with an unnaturally enthusiastic vigor.

 

**The Appearance.**

_(resembles[Marisol Nichols](https://media.glamour.com/photos/5be1f10aa61e3f2dcda85f4d/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/GettyImages-1305150.jpg)) _

Lyra looks a lot less intimidating than she is, despite being a human-sized castle of a woman, lean and muscular, obviously capable of tearing a normal person to pieces. It’s in her face, bright, cheery, and doe-eyed with a smile that betrays her years and years of wartime experience, rare to see but blessed be whenever you can experience it. She often keeps her countenance unadorned by emotion outside of a passive scowl, the “resting bitch face.”Lyra has long, bright red hair that announces her presence immediately, but she doesn't do anything with it except keep it out if her face with a hairband, preferring yo just let it flow as it does. Her style is similarly minimalist, in that anti-chic, butch lesbian way, where she wears those fashionable Adidas track pants and tight tank tops -- the latter is not by choice, necessarily, she’s big and strong, so things are tight because they don’t make them in her size -- a look completed by varsity jackets and plain black Nikes. This no-frills, no-nonsense approach to presentation makes her choice of underwear head scratching, being an assortment of animal print and patterned panties almost all trimmed with lace, with many also having obnoxious frills.

 

**The Wedgies.**

Historically people rebel against royalty after royalty is an asshole, a relevant reminder considering Lyra is often queen of the ren-faire and her ultra-serious approach to her role, more Wicked Witch with a crown than Glinda the Good, historically leads to people rebelling against her. Lyra's been dunked in those giant water tanks, shot in the butt with slingshotted rocks, tricked into sitting on whoopie cushions, and, of course, given a new crown in the form of whatever unfortunately stretchy pair of underwear she decided to wear under her dress.

As an apprentice, Lyra's better treated than an intern and she gets to observe a master at work, learning and absorbing like a sponge, but Edie's a… unique kind of teacher who believes in the "physicality of the moment" or some shit directors say to get away with it. Nine times out of ten, this just involves Edie pantsing Lyra unexpectedly, like when she's talking to sound techs, or ordering lunch, but that tenth time it's a brutal wedgie that has Lyra on waddling with her knees together for an hour or two. In fairness, Edie's open to being got back about as much as one can be (that is, she wouldn't discipline her over it, but she's not exactly awaiting it), it's just that Lyra has yet to consider maybe she _should_ get her back.

On a visit to Yancy Street where people throw things at you and make loud jokes, and the kids run up and pants you and the adults do too, Lyra ran afoul of two women who exemplify their neighborhoods exemplary lack of respect. Dina and Dina Yourpajamas, the Yancy Street Girls, caught Lyra helping out, moving boxes for free on their turf where _they_ charge. As Lyra found out, super fast twins give super bad wedgies, ruining her cute baby dragon print panties with a squeaky clean so potent Lyra _swears_ they literally set her on fire, before spinning so fast the wind caught her parachute-sized panties and blew her out of town.


	4. Monica Rappaccini

 

> “I became public enemy number one through my _hobby_ . You’ve done… _what_ , exactly?”

**The Story.**

As the newest leader of the main Masters of Evil faction and dealing with dissenters, Scientist Supreme Monica Rappaccini’s gotten herself stuck in this quasi-antiheroine mode, if only because she spends so much time beating back the cretins who want to beat her down and steal her spot. A stint on ARMOR sent the bad guys out for blood, and warmed her up to some of the good guys; Monica’s still nasty and mean and rude and vain and petty, so nobody’s her _friend_ but it’s not on-sight anymore. Besides, while she’ll never ever stop trying to prove her superiority over, say, every other person alive, Monica’s got new priorities. Her children are back in her life, as are her mother and aunt, and this time they all kind of like her. She did so much alone -- and, frankly, unloved -- but with family at her side, Monica feels empowered to be even _worse_. In her mind, of course, she thinks she’s doing great. As well, she’s gotten involved in the development of Bubblegum Honey and MJE, being the mind behind the material BH clothes are made from, and a direct battle against Van Dynes hegemonic dominance is exactly what she lives for. Let the petty wars begin.

 

**The Appearance.**

_(resembles[Helena Law Lan](http://hkmdb.com/db/images/movies/7344/DoctorVampire+1990-29-b.jpg)) _

Monica is a woman who wears her age and two children like a badge of honor, entirely unashamed of the signs of time other women often hide. Her apparent confidence in her appearance is easily mistaken for an affectation of pompousness and vanity; Monica is both of those things but her body, her face is not the birthplace of such feelings but simply the site in which they express themselves. She keeps her jet black hair straight and simple, the only attempt at style being a side swept bang, though one can see the hair itself is meticulously maintained. She’s noted for the size of her rear end, even among the curvy women in the superhero community, which is perhaps the only part of Monica’s whole deal she feels anything less than pride in. Her style is simple and modest, having grown thicker in her age and growing out of the styles of her youth because of a deep-seated refusal to acknowledge that she’s gotten bigger. She wears high-waisted, belted long skirts with a variety of tops and crop jackets, with a tendency towards things Catholic grandmothers wears, right down to the strapped sandals. Much has been made of her underwear choices following this same trend, being high-waisted pairs of floral patterned panties that are somehow disproportionately large even when considering her big butt. Monica maintains they’re actually fine, but she’s also borderline delusional.

 

**The Wedgies.**

When she was in university, Monica was known as the Curve Killer, destroying any hope of a passing grade in any class she took. After the first exam in a notoriously difficult class run by a professor who enjoyed failing students in which everyone but Monica failed (she got an A), the other students tried getting her to join them in protest but Monica rudely rebuffed them, so they instead tried their hardest to make sure she failed the next one by giving her a chair wedgie during the exam, yanking her underwear over the wide seat of an Italian university chair. That failed, so they updated her test-taking outfit with a panty vest from a shoulder wedgie. _That_ failed, so they just gave her a total face-covering atomic for the final exam. That failed too. Pissed off, the other students gave her a hanging wedgie from the statue in front of the school. Monica knows what they were trying to do, but still believes she was in the right.

While developing the latest model of Blue Statue Robots, Monica's confidence in her pet project ballooned as she added feature after feature, an overstuffed design ethos to make this version truly unstoppable against every possible opponent. She challenged her friend, Sandra Wu-San, to a little game -- if Sandra could survive the robots for one minute, Monica would kiss her ass. At ten seconds, Monica thought it was impressive that Sandra hadn't tapped. At thirty, she got worried. At fifty-five, she started begging God, who she hadn't spoken to in ten years, for some help. Sandra didn't come out of that with perfectly intact panties, and consequently she didn't come out of that with a perfectly intact mood. Pissed off, she forced Monica against a wall and pressed her ass against her scientist buddy's pretty, squirming, screaming face while she gave her a frontal wedgie from even lower than hell. Technically, that _was_ Monica kissing her ass.

Monica lets her guard down around her children, which sucks because they both give her wedgies non-stop but she kind of lets them because, hey, they're talking to her again, and Mystique takes full advantage of her good heart by posing as the kids whenever she feels like pulling in some granny panties. Once, she tied Carmilla up and left her in a storage closet while she was visiting Monica's AIM base, and ruined Moni's new hire orientation by posing as Carm. It was easy to get next to her like that, going in for a hug and switching up into a bearhug Monica couldn't hope to get out off. The wedgie that followed made Moni shrill and the bouncing was so ferocious, she lost her skirt. In a weird way, this kind of helped Monica; all her little beekeepers that were there are still absolutely _hypnotized_.


	5. Laura Kinney, Natasha Romanova, and Chastity McBryde

**Laura Kinney**

_(resembles[Cristina Rodlo](https://www.hawtcelebs.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/cristina-rodlo-at-miss-bala-premiere-in-los-angeles-01-30-2019-1.jpg))_  

**The Story.**

Behind every hot babe is an even hotter babe; at least that's what Carmilla Black says about her girlfriend, Logan's clone-daughter and heir to his title of the Wolverine, Laura Kinney. Still very much an active member of the X-Men, Laura's also finally traded in the long days and nights under the stars for stability. Her younger sister Gabby needed a rock and Laura decided it'd be her to be that rock, making a concentrated effort to be better and kinder, wiser and stronger. The first step was getting a job at the Jean Grey school; she's now the gym teacher. It's a little weird because she's not much older than a lot of her students, but that's fine. Gabby tells her feels like home, and that's all she needs to put up with a _little_ weirdness. (Note: in my BSV canon, Laura is a trans woman).

 

 

**Natalia "Natasha" Romanova**

_(resembles[Kate Walsh](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_NbKZmPEfWdc/SxM6gbK40uI/AAAAAAAABjU/uNDUj0_vOCk/s1600/lost-in-thought.jpg))_

**The Story.**

Natasha is her own woman, first and always, so it was no surprise to anyone that she left SHIELD to do her own thing. Their handling of the Carmilla Black situation certainly didn't help them retain her services, but Natasha denies that's the reason she left. She needed time to just be herself, independent of an organization, especially one do nebulous and bull-headed as SHIELD. However, make no mistake, Natasha _does_ love her former mentee dearly; while she's completely aware of the massive crush Carmilla has on her, Natasha treats her more like a kid sister, rushing to her aid whenever and however she can. They're sporadic partners now, but if there were ever a person Natasha would say she belongs to, it would be Carmilla.

 

 

**Chastity McBryde**

_(resembles[Lauren Bacall](https://media.vanityfair.com/photos/53eaa9e67044ae374f37fb92/master/w_768,c_limit/bacall_bw.jpg))_

**The Story.**

Special Agent Chastity McBryde is a senior SHIELD agent, known mostly for failing to protect Presidential candidate Ken Wind from Elektra Natchios. In her defense, there was a _lot_ of crazy shit going on. Now in control of her own unit again, Chas has a special distaste for Carmilla Black, even before they actually met, finding the girl's ridiculous improv highly unbecoming of a SHIELD agent, especially to one so straitlaced as Chas. Upon hearing that Carmilla had totally turned her back on SHIELD -- and uncaring that it was the organization that drew first blood between them -- Chas decided she'd handle the situation _personally_.


End file.
